i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
