I will die if light touches me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize