I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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