I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
