I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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