I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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