do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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