i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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