you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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