yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we made out on top of his cat.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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