Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize