i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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