nut hugger
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
