Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
