Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
