You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
