I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
