I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
