Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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