Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize