fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
