ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize