It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
