I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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