When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think my tv is drunk
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
