ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize