I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
