I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Randomize
