OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
