Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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