he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
