just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
