the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
