So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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