Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize