Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
