You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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