my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
