you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
