I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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