dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
