worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
