I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
