I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
