Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize