Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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