btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
