Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
