I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
