Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
