dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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