But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
