My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
