So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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