Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
