Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
