Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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