I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
