Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
