people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
