She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
