And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
