Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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