Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
