I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
