U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
