I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
